I was in prayer the other day, and the Lord really stirred something up in my heart that I thought was beautiful and so needed.
Recently, and even before our miscarriage, I’ve struggled with a fear of loss. Fear of losing important people in my life, fear of miscarrying, etc. My mother-in-law told me “Fear” is just “False evidence appearing real.” This was exactly that. I struggled with thoughts of something happening to my family and would feel scared and distraught and without peace. It would be brief, just a quick moment, but enough to be annoying and catch my attention. I’d been really praying about this that God would remove that fear and fill that gap with peace knowing my life and the ones I love life’s are in my creator’s hands.
When I was in prayer, I felt the Holy Spirit urging me to pray against a fear to love. I’d known I’d battled thoughts with fear of loss, but what I didn’t realize was that fear, also subconsciously made me want to put up a guard in my heart. To not love hard, because, what if I lost them? What if they turned their back on me? What if they moved away? What if what if what if… Those thoughts if not taken captive can surely make someone crazy!!
I don’t want to be a woman who has my guard up towards others or even ones I love because of a fear of getting hurt. (I don’t mean people who are against you or try to trample over you, those you can love from afar, I’m talking specifically about people who are important in your life.) I want to be a woman who is known for loving HARD. For loving relentlessly. For loving even when it may hurt. After all, isn’t that what our Jesus did for us? His body ripped open, his love right out on the line, the ultimate sacrifice and act of love… for US. For you. For me. He did this knowing good and well he would be betrayed, denied, and maybe some would never accept His love for them. HE LOVED ANYWAYS.
So I want to encourage you today, don’t be afraid to love BIG. Love can hurt, and it surely leaves it’s mark. I loved my second baby with my whole heart, and even though he’s in Heaven now, dancing and playing with Jesus without hurt or pain… my heart still hurts and aches that I’m not with him. And i’m learning, that’s OK. It’s ok to feel happy and pain all at once. But, love anyways. Love with all you’ve got, because that’s what our creator does for us each second of our lives.
“Do not be anxious or worried about anything, but in everything [every circumstance and situation] by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, continue to make your [specific] requests known to God. And the peace of God [that peace which reassures the heart, that peace] which transcends all understanding, [that peace which] stands guard over your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus [is yours.] – Phillipians 4:6-7 AMP
“My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the rock and strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26 AMP