So as some of you may have seen on my Instagram posts, this past week Lilly had a nasty cough, congested nose, and she was cutting TWO teeth at the same time. Needless to say, it was miserable.
On Sunday, I was up with her for close to half of the night, trying to do everything in my power to calm her down, ease the pain… comfort her. All I wanted was for her to be able to sleep soundly and peacefully without being in pain or coughing. (Keep in mind Lilly is a super calm and happy baby, crying for more than a minute is out of the norm for her.) Monday morning rolls around, I’m exhausted and praying for energy and wisdom to be able to help Lilly the best that I can. She was whining and crying all morning. Before Kyle left for work, he prayed for her. Five minutes after he left, she was screaming louder than ever before. I felt like my heart was breaking off piece by piece. All those times that I had heard moms say, “It’s so sad when your baby is sick!” I never truly understood.
Lilly wasn’t crying because she was hungry, or because her diaper was wet. She was crying because she was in pain, and she was sick of being sick. There I was, standing up in her nursery, rocking her, swaying back and forth, and I had had it. I had prayed a simple prayer for her too… but the more she cried, and looked at me with those eyes as if she were saying, “Mom, I’M HURTING! I’m miserable! Help me!!,” the more my heart broke and the fury began to rise up inside me. I was DONE seeing my baby so miserable, this is when I began to literally cry out to God. No more quiet prayers. She needed me and I needed Jesus. My arms were on fire from rocking her for 25+ minutes, I was fatigued, I had done everything I could think of to calm her, and yet, in my heart I had one thought, I am not even close to giving up. This was when I felt the Holy Spirit speak to me, saying, “that is how I feel about my children.”
I could feel the Holy Spirit in such a real way, so tangible that I began to weep. I couldn’t help it, tears were pouring down my face, Lilly was still crying but calming down by this point. I began to reflect on what was just spoken to me.
Can I just encourage you sweet friends, that Jesus is in pursuit of your heart. Whether you’re a believer or not, he LOVES you, and will constantly and forever be in pursuit of you. I believe Jesus painted me a perfect picture of this. His children crying out, needing answers, peace, comfort…. and Him scooping them off of their feet, and rocking them gently in His love. What a sweet Heavenly Father we have. When we resist, and fight His love, He reminds us that His love is unconditional. When we run in the other direction, He’s waiting with open arms. When we are in pain, broken, tired, worn out, He is our comfort. When we simply feel inadequate, He is our reminder that he is our strength, and He FOR us and not against us.
So for the mommy’s out there, let this be a reminder that Jesus loves us beyond words, He always has and always will.
For the mommy’s-to-be, I hope this encourages you that you are in for the most passionate, fierce, powerful kind of love there ever was.
For the nonbeliever, let this be a gentle reminder that whether or not you recognize Jesus’s existence, His love for you is unshakeable, and there’s nothing you can do to make Him love you any less.
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